Michael Louie
books
The Girls' Guide to Rocking
10.29.09
I know this is a kids book, or at least a book aimed at kids, girls specifically, but just because we're a "literary magazine" doesn't mean we can't step back and check out something good for the next generation. Because we may as well admit it that we're all getting older, and as we get older, the saying goes, the ground gets colder. For all of us. Despite the corny cover photos, The Girls' Guide to Rocking is one of those things; for as easy as it is to be critical and cynical of how-to music books, this one by Jessica Hopper, a music journalist and long-time band member herself, is surprisingly approachable and informative without being preachy or distant.
Digging for Dirt: The Life and Death of ODB
11.25.08
We all miss Big Baby Jesus, and no we ain't talking about that little December squirt of joy, hell it ain't even Thanksgiving yet. Y'all can start shopping on Friday. And if you do, pick up Jamie Lowe's new book, Digging for Dirt: The Life and Death of ODB (that's Ol' Dirty Bastard, R.I.P., of the Wu-Tang Clan), a biography that'll make a great stocking stuffer for anyone's grandma. Michael Louie reviews, while Mr. jock draws Mr. Dirt McGirt in kind.
columns
Bill O'Reilly's Great Fast Forward
10.17.06
I feel one attempt at my own preemption is validated in the face of all the bad news in the world about North Korea testing nuclear bombs and an impotent U.N. standing by with sanctions they cannot hope to enforce. Speaking of preemption, with mid-term elections three weeks away, Republicans are already refining various conspiracy theories in the event they lose the House and Senate. Bill O'Reilly says it's North Korea's fault. -MKL
etc
Useful Aliases Culled From Pornographic E-Mail Spam
05.03.07
What to do with all the thousands of e-mail spam you receive each week, promising cheaper pharmaceuticals and computer programs, hotter schoolgirls, more FFM action, bigger dicks, and longer erections? Don't be so quick to hit delete; in them lies an incredible resource with which to hide your identity. First in an occasional series of lists....
features
The Chase is Always Better Than the Kill
12.19.09
Michael Louie spent five weeks deep in the trenches during the first annual Brooklyn Fishing Derby, which happened to start the first day of mandatory fishing licenses for all New York saltwater anglers. He seeks out the secret and hidden fishing spots amongst the new development and regimented city property and finds that maybe he's not quite the terrible fisherman he thought he was.
Five Hundred Eighty-Six Days, Fourteen Hours, Forty-Six Minutes, Eleven Seconds
09.05.08
Quitting an addiction, any addiction, is no easy matter. Whether it's crack, meth, heroin, or an MMO, the longer one pursues a dragon (or maybe an Orc in this case), the harder it is to give up the chase. But Michael Louie's on the wagon now, from a video game. And after his time given over to a Final Fantasy (FFXI to be precise), Louie looks back at his lost weekend that turned into, added up to, well...the game runs the numbers for you.
music
The Rambler
11.17.05
This piece is coming a little late, but Mike Louie and I have been in transit, not unlike the members of the Bay Area supergroup Universe, aboard the goodship Rambler - with their utopian portable star music for the masses.
science
HARDCORE UFOs PART II: 50 Years After Sputnik
10.04.07
Fifty years ago today America was blindsided by the Soviet launch of Sputnik into the edges of the Earth’s atmosphere. It was a success for the Russians, and an event that sent shockwaves through the rest of the world. Although the U.S. had planned a satellite launch of their own, it wasn’t deployed until after Sputnik 1 had already burned up upon returning to Earth, and the Russians sent another satellite, Sputnik 2—this time with the dog Laika aboard—to space. So, true to tardy American form, we at FANZINE present this article on the first Sputnik launch, late in the afternoon.
"God Bless You, Kim Jong"
08.07.06
Yes, that's an actual quote from Donald Rumsfeld after North Korea launched its first Taepo Dong missile eight years ago this month. Michael Louie takes some shots at the political wank that is our current national missile defense plan and its symbiotic nature with North Korea.
Hangmen of the Age of Electricity
05.31.06
With lethal injection encountering increasingly difficult legal hurdles, Michael Louie takes a step back to the days of death by electricity and examines the ways we have kept the executioner's face hidden from past to present.
HARDCORE UFO's: NASA's Dark Days
02.01.06
This past week marks the anniversaries of 3 tragedies in NASA's history. What is the future for the organization? More trips to the moon? Intergalactic exploration? Will Bush get some "folks" on Mars? Or will it begin competing with private charters sending celebrities into orbit for some hot, out of this world action. The 200 mile high club anyone?
sport
Hockey Night: an occasional column #2
05.08.08
The National Hockey League playoffs continue and whaddayaknow... Mike is leading the pool with his virtual video game money. He keeps us updated here in this second segment of Hockey Night, Louie's new (occasional) column. Update: The Stanley Cup semifinals began last night in Detroit. Red Wings beat the Stars in the first game 4-1. Philadelphia plays Pittsburgh tonight.
Hockey Night: an occasional column
04.17.08
Procrastination be damned! Mike Louie is an unabashed Philadelphia Flyers fan and this column is one in an occasional series he will write on sports, particularly the NHL Playoffs, which have been underway for about a week now. This time he responds to the Washington Post’s Mike Wise, who, in a bad attempt to imitate one of Louie’s favorite writers, ended up looking foolish across the Internet by scribbling not the best informed column about the Flyers-Capitals game Tuesday night.