FANZINE

Our friends Melissa and Nithtya made this awesome metal blog called Waves of. It has a good dose of great humor but don’t mistake this for an ironic jokey blog site written by a couple of girls who recently discovered Iron Maiden at 23 and then pretend to have listened to metal their whole lives in high school (yeah, I know girls [and guys too] like that and they’re fucking annoying), so anxious to cut the sleeves off the $60 vintage Metallica t-shirt they just bought. These two know more about metal than most people ever will and if you mistake their appearance for ingenues, well that’s at your own peril. The blog is just getting started, but it’s already killing it with translations for the metal layman (Cannibal Corpse lyrics this first round), reviews of the recent Goatwhore show, and heavy metal soundtracks with sex advice from Melissa. An excerpt:

“Burzum – Daudi Baldrs – Daudi Baldrs
Intructions: Before you play this song, tell your lady that you need to excuse yourself, say “mother nature calls”. You must now disappear from her sight. Press play. She will look confused. You will emerge from behind the trees, looking lost, bewildered, you are looking for something, but what is it? This forest is hostile and full of strange creatures, you must find refuge, you must find a bosom to rest your head on. Wait. Could it be? A wondering maiden? Rejoice! Sigh. You feel relieved, but still scared. You may now approach the maiden. This song is eight minutes long so approach her very, very slowly.”

Hilarious and well done.

—mkl