FANZINE

we’re laying in our bed looking at our hamster run on the outside of her wheel. we’re mumbling 
incoherent things like .. “ hamsters can’t really eat cheese” and “I wonder how to many curry for 
hamsters without killing them”. I’m starting to realize that most relationships are mirrors of 
yourself, and that the people who you choose to be around is largely dependent on what you 
want to see in yourself at that time. You gave me a nickname today “ you're calling me ur 
panda now.
Nobody has ever given me a nickname before .. well except my rich uncle who use to call me 
LegbeLOLO as an insult for being an overweight child.
I’ve been having dreams about my exes lately, we’re in this glass box and they're watching us 
perform sexual acts on each other. They are judging us with score cards, but instead of 
numbers it's just pictures of dolphins eating different kinds of cakes. The dolphins don’t look 
very happy to be eating the cake. They look angry and upset, like someone is in the cake 
whispering mean things about them. I want to break out of the box and save the dolphins.
I have this bad habit of making my life about the people who are no longer in it.
  I’m working really hard to be a very good person.
 This means i’m trying very hard to not be an out of control asshole.
I’m trying very hard to not be an asshole. I’m trying very hard so you think i’m a good person. I 
think if i’m a good person, our hamster will stop running on the outside of her wheel.
Our hamster will stop cutting her paws on the outside of her wheel.
Our hamster will stop trying to commit suicide by rolling down the steps.
Our hamster will stop ripping up the carpet searching for something that can’t be found.
Our hamster will stop being depressed. I want our hamster to be stable and secure and okay.

    do you want to knife each other ?
  licking ur leaking cunt / my grieving tongue / death turned you on

——–

_{Precious Phillips is ​is a multimedia artist and poet. She curates “A Burning Bush,” a reading series in Cincinnati, Ohio. ​H​er writing has appeared in Dark Fucking Wizard, New wave Vomit, and the low key e-book.}