FANZINE

As most watchers of last night’s debate observed there was very little said that could potentially change the tide of the presidential campaign. McCain came out swinging, trying to hit every hot switch he could, and looking as frantic as Lucille Ball on the chocolate manufacturing line. Obama countered, as usual, with the coolness and vivacity of a cigar store Indian, but neither said anything new or revealing despite some quality questions by moderator Bob Schieffer.

But on slow news days some things are unfairly thrust into the spotlight, like today’s New York Times‘ comment about McCain’s blinking habit (“… his frozen smile and wide eyes—which blinked frequently and distractingly at times…”). But there’s also Joe the Plumber, that old boy McCain frequently and distractingly referenced about 24 times last night. Well the Times has uncovered in this news-breaking story that among the facades this character has been portraying to the American people, he is not in fact named Joe the Plumber. His real name is Samuel J. Wurlizbacher. Not only that, the Toledo Plumbers Union has no record of a license under Joe Wurlizbacher, and his back taxes might be suspect to boot. Way to go, John! How will McCain-Palin pin this one on the Democrats? Not only did they put Joe’s job on the line, they also probably ruined the poor guy’s chances of buying and running a legitimate business in Ohio.

Joe, unmasked now as the tax-evading, name-appropriating, unlicensed plumber, and unwitting “celebrity” he is, may have to hope that the McCain-Palin ticket can ride the wave of an increasingly ugly campaign and cheap populism (without, hopefully, getting anyone else fired from their jobs) to the White House. At least then there’s a chance Palin can continue her history of cronyism and appoint Joe the Plumber and that “other Joe”—no, not Joe Biden… Joe Six-Pack!—respectively to the heads of a U.S. department of infrastructure and the ATF. —mkl