Take One For The Zine

Grant Weber


Take One For The Zine
By Grant Weber

I don’t know shit about sports. But I know that Fanzine needs some sportswriting, and I want to help out. So I contacted my good friend Amir, a real sportsfan, in hopes of getting some good stuff.

What follows is our conversation.

G: So, what’s going on in sports these days?

A: Winning, losing, competition.

G: Anything in particular you’ve been paying attention to lately:

A: I like winning.

G: Why?

A: Winning never gets old.

G: Did you watch any of the world series?

A: Not really. Once the Yankees were out of the running, I lost interest. Your boys in Boston really shit the bed.

G: I know. Everybody up here practically fell apart. They still got last year’s win to keep ‘em high though. They’ll be high on that for years to come.

A: That’s sad.

G: I know. How about football? You watching any?

A: A little bit, the Pats are doing well.

G: Yeah, apparently they’re a pretty big deal up here. That Tom Brady guy is like a god in Boston. What’s so great about him?

A: Grant, I have neither the time nor the patience to explain to you what’s so good about Tom Brady.

G: Understood. I probably wouldn’t get it anyway.

A: You wouldn’t.

G: What about hoops? You getting geared up for march madness?

A: Grant, that’s 5 months away.

G: Something to look forward to though, right?

A: I’m on the edge of my seat.

G: You’re an Arizona fan. How’s that working out for you?

A: Go cats.

G: They fucked up last year. Are you going to let that happen again?

A: No, in fact I’m going to try out for the team.

G: Are you a free agent now?

A: You don’t even know what a free agent is.

G: And that’s not stopping me from writing a sports article. So I don’t see why having no pro experience should stop you from trying out for the Arizona Wildcats.

A: Because it’s a college team, Grant. And I don’t go to college there anymore.

G: Way to blow a chance, Amir.

A: Listen man. I’ve got a lotta shit to do-

G: And I’ve got an interview to conduct. So chill the fuck out and talk some sports with me.

A: Alright. What do you want to know?

G: I want to know some insightful shit for the readers of Fanzine will be interested in.

A: I’m guessing about 99 per cent of the people who read that shit are hipster fags who don’t give two shits about sports.

G: You’re probably right, but hipster fags have a right to sports coverage too, don’t they?

A: Yes, but the fact that you’re the best they could do for a sports-writer really says something about how much they care, or know about sports.

G: You’re absolutely right. Which is why I’m asking you. So, with the season about to open, let’s talk about the NBA.

A: The season opened last week.

G: I know, I went to the Celtics Season Opener against the Knicks… box seats I might add.

A: How was it?

G: It was good. The Celtics were much better than I thought they’d be. For some reason I thought they fell off since Larry Bird quit playing for them. But they got a pretty good team. I was really surprised that they held their own against the Pistons on Friday until Rick Hamilton hit that buzzer beater. Holy shit, I’m actually doing it Amir, I’m talking sports.

A: Don’t try to talk sports Grant.

G: Sorry man, I forgot. Okay, maybe we should consider this a good first installment and quit while we’re ahead. Whaddya say? Anything else you’d like to say to the coverage-starved sportsfans of Fanzine.

A: Footrace. Anytime anywhere.

G: Thanks Amir.

A: You sonofabitch.