Ben Arnold


This is NOT bullshit. I did NOT make this up. I found this in my Hotmail account about a week after “In Rainbows” was released online. It was sent from someone calling themselves USAMAtters, and it appears to be a severely misguided rant against the U.K. and Radiohead. Your guesses are as good as mine as to what exactly the purpose of this spam is.

Subject Line:
Outrageous “In Rainbows” Not As COOL Dude As Our Totally FREE Stuff!

It has come to recently our attention that an “important” BRITISH band is currently giving away their new album of music FOR FREE. On their website. Cool people can set their own price and pay whatever they choose for recordings. How fresh! FREEDOM is a priceless treasure, Radioface. To not be fucked with like a toy. We have FREEDOM, too, in America and FREE joys on our Internet. How does it feel to have your government make you look at a different Internet everyday? You make and you slave over 10 songs and then are forced to give them away for FREE by BRITISH Labor welfare food stamp state. As if BRITISH Labor is worth nothing, and something for every worker to download without giving you your O.K. Computer-worth of money. That’s not O.K., computerHeads. We have FREEDOM today on our Internet, and plenty of FREE things to give to fly people in the U.S. Just to show you, for every FREE song you give away, we have something better. Look now!

1. “15 Step”
What does that mean? 3 more steps of sobriety? Electric handclaps? How about instead, everybody take one step toward “Exploring Life In Heaven with Rose Martin” FREE CD? What questions do you have when you think about life in heaven? Is it 50 Cent videos? Maximum pleasure for her? A$$ driIIed blondez? For FREE, Rose Martin will answer your questions this and about eternalness. Like, will we work? How much singing we will be doing with the angels? And, where will we sit, or will we sit–will we just float?

2. “Bodysnatchers”
We’re not scared of people taking our bodies here in U.S., Tom Yorne. And we’re not afraid of people in other states, like you are about Whale people. We like states like Myanmar. And the “Myanmar Travel Information” FREE CD-ROM! This is a complimentary CD is about interesting things to visit Myanmar, the land of human origin. It will help tourists to know more about Myanmar from inside out. State Peace and Development Council (SPDC) approved! Escape now!

3. “Nude”
No thanks, bozo. How about “Shred?” For $$$$$! Get “Shredding For Profit” FREE CD/DVD’s! Not “Shredding For Donations.” Find out what the Pittsburgh Business Times already know: contract shredding services demand value, reliability and service. That’s why thousands of successful shredding services worldwide rely on Allegheny equipment for High Capacity Paper Shredders, Security Grinders, Pierce & Shear Shredders and Product Destruction Shredders. Allegheny is your one source for all destruction technologies. All destruction, no donations.

4. “Weird Fishes/Arpeggi”
People aren’t getting eaten by fish anymore. People eat them. And everything else. And we also want to know what’s inside everything. FOR FREE! Get your “digital scalpel” ready and order “The Digital Frog 2” FREE DVD! High school students don’t need chemicals. They need computERS. With today’s advanced technology, why dissect real frogZ? Do you know where your pancreas is? Not in real dead frogZ. And not “In Rainbows.”

5. “All I Need”
A FREE love song by RadioCommunists? How many girls listen to them? Probably not many. But many women do need to know about “Know Menopause: Inside And Out” With Cheryl Ladd FREE DVD! Menopause can be confusing and a time for women and difficult to manage. Do you like Cheryl Ladd? Do you want to start menopause right? Do you want Cheryl to do it for you? Because she can introduce you to several women who share their own menopause experiences. She is not a Charlie’s devil. Hahahasjkkdjfjdlajllad…

6. “Faust ARP”
Were they trying to spell “faucet” or “FACEBOOK??” That’s the problem with British. They have too many cute names. And this song is too short. But not these FREE PDF BOOKS: “My Inaugural Address at the Great White Throne Judgment of the Dead” and “God Against Us: Alien Spaceman Jesus, the World Trade Center Attack and More.” Their long. And FREE! Author Alvin Miller axes: “What do you call a crazy spaceman?” His answer: “An astronut.” Haha. The Secret Rapture soon, by his hand! Miller admits: he’s a fairy–in fact, the king of the fairies! But Alvin also set his timebomb ticking over Sodom! Just like Jesus, he is here to serve and is a wizard.

7. “Reckoner”
“Machine gun cameras?” That makes no sense. RadioFace needs to “reckoner” with what’s going on in this ding-dong country! Michael Savage and Pat Boone do. Get “What Happened To America?” FREE CD/DVD! Courtesy of Swiss America, the gold standard of helpful people. With Boone and Savage, understand better the tragic events of Nov. 2006 elections. This CD covers it all: borders, language, culture, the dollar, the gold, fear and U.S. rare coins. A conservative buy…with liberal benefits! But what about the North American Union super-national government? And what happened to America? How to recover American unity in these disunited times–FOR FREE!

8. “House Of Cards”
You wood rather figure out if Tom Yorkey is talking about sex or would you rather learn “How To Pay Your Bills Supernaturally” in this FREE BOOK! You’ve always wanted to solve mysteries, right? Let Robert Tilton help solve the mystery of the miracle money! Because the world’s way of trying to pay off bills just won’t work anymore. Like striking lightening and fire on you, Holy Spirits are stirring to be financially solvent. Won’t you let them remunerate with you? Robert also is on B.E.T. and shows black people to have Success N Life, too! Hihop on new money!

9. “Jigsaw Falling Into Place”
Who knows and who gives mad shitz what this song is about? Especially when there are FREE CELEBRITY PHOTOS!! Even better than CD/DVDs! There’s no words to read with pictures! And no price to pay. Only the best #1 hot celebrities: Charlie Sheen, Joe Cocker, Steve Guttenberg. All FOR FREE!

10. “Videotape”
“Videotape?” Nobody uses videotape. NOT IN AMERICA! Radioshite, your finale about “Pearly Gates” has nothing on our closer: “The 4 Horsemen of the Apocalypse” FREE DVD! Many believe that it is impossible to definitively state the intended interpretation of the four horsemen because of the many conflicting views taught in the “Christmas” world today. Not so, says Mike Scott. This FREE DVD will explain the 7 seals, the 7 trumpets and the 7 plagues. The number “4” in Revelation relates to physical things. Dummies!

Please give the U.S.A. and our free stuff a try and make yourself a great favor. Don’t let BRITISH band give you bad songs. You will feel great regarding the quality and protection we give instead and your pocket book will also be delighted as well.

Fuck you.

*you can check out the blog Arnold runs on