ARTICLES BY Pete Hausler

Stupid Ostrich Tricks, or Why Gary Bettman and the NHL Are on the Wrong Side of the Fighting Debate

Pete Hausler


The death of Derek Boogaard earlier this year sparked a controversy in the hockey community: was it drugs and alcohol, or too many concussions suffered on the ice that led to Boogaard’s advanced chronic traumatic encephalopathy and early passing? Pete Hausler lays down some knowledge on the importance of the Separation of Fighting and Hockey. As in: it’s possible. As in: what are you afraid of, Gary Bettman?

He’s a Riot!: In Which a Boston Globe Columnist Makes Liverpool Fans See Red

Pete Hausler


It’s one thing to opine on subjects one clearly knows nothing about. Since George W. popularized the "going with my gut" instinct, while failing to validate it as any kind of scientific/factual evidentiary process, it was still "good enough for me" to win the seal of approval for most Americans to run their mouths about anything their gut tells them. But it’s quite another thing to publicly opine on English football when clearly one knows very little, except enough to think he knows what he doesn’t like. Boston Globe columnist plays a dangerous and ignorant word game that has the Liverpool FC fan base up in arms, and Pete Hausler isn’t going to let him weasel out of it.  Artwork by the great Danny Jock.

Zenyatta: From the Back of the Pack, But a Backseat to None

Pete Hausler


This coming Saturday, November 6th, breeders, bettors and plain old racing enthusiasts around the world will be focused on the Breeders Cup, a contest that offers the largest payout in all of the horse racing sport. And this year it’s super special, with a heap of hype all over one mare, Zenyatta. With 19 victories so far, and beyond incredible stats, Zenyatta is said to retire after the race, hopefully with an even 20 wins/ zip losses. Pete Hausler explains her confounding talents, exacting style, and why he will be betting against her. Art by Danny Jock.

Revenge of the Soccer Bridesmaids: The 10 Most Interesting Stories from The World Cup

Pete Hausler


Now that the World Cup is over and a winner has been crowned, it’s time for us to count the ways we the viewers have won or been cheated. Pete Hausler recaps and reviews the 10 most memorable moments and events of the 2010 World Cup tournament, with a trenchant and critical eye, aimed particularly at soccer, er football’s governing body FIFA. Like lots of us Americans watching the World Cup, Hausler has no shortage of examples of FIFA’s woeful inadequacies to keep the world’s game an honorable one. But there’s more than just an excoriation of FIFA: there’s the fairytale storyline of two teams who met World Cup-less in all their history, the implosion of France, the laziness of the Italian squad, the (near) rise of the United States in International competition, the let down of the home country, and of course, the persistent vuvuzela buzz still ringing in our ears. [Also, according to my calculations, my cousin owes me $2400 from a bet on the final. —mkl]

How Do You Say ‘Three and Done’ in Afrikaans?: The Quadrennial and Funtastic Fanzine World Cup Preview

Pete Hausler


In this highly anticipated preview of the highly anticipated quadrennial event, Pete Hausler breaks down the group stages before the inevitable drunken, adrenaline-overdose frenzy that inevitably acompanies such matches. Here, in the safety of the Internet, you won’t need those Stab Vests in team-colors you can get at Protektorvest to get our insight and predictions. So grab a couple cold pints and read on. [Edit: Protektorvest isn’t selling those team-colored Stab Vests anymore, so you’ll have to shell out some more cash ($240) for an all-black kevlar one.]

Adios Los Mets, The Weather Sure Is Fair Up There in the Bronx

Pete Hausler


Pete Hausler weighs the ultimate question in sports fandom: how much is enough heartbreak? As a fan myself of a team of perennial disappointment, I’ve also asked that question many a time after season after season of underachieving, flashes of brilliance interspersed randomly between stretches of lazy, uninspired, inept, and seemingly uninterested play. When does a sports fan cut his/her losses? Alas, I find myself unable to make a statement-making move. It’s like sticking with a bad, abusive, and indifferent lover year after year—or in my case, 35 years (though I’ve only been around for 32 of them). Hausler on the other hand, invoking wise words from author Nick Hornby and an inspired friend, seems ready to cross that threshold into a new world unknown to most of us stubborn, beleaguered, and otherwise hopeless fans. Art by Danny Jock. -MKL 

Riding the Hoboken Ferry

Pete Hausler


When the world you live in is a world that’s constantly shifting (i.e. New York City) it’s good to have an anchoring voice that grounds you back in the ways that things once were before the hipsters started taking over and changing the landscape. Pete Hausler waxes a nostalgia of sorts, riding the Hoboken Ferry from the city back to the Mile Square City, home of The Feelies and Maxwell’s, remembers times when he was just a young’un picking up girls and feeling a little Kerouacian on his lunch break from work. Hausler meanders between Kerouac and Blaise Cendrars in the piece, melding his own writing style with theirs while conjuring up some terrific scenery of times past, and wraps it all into a seemingly innocuous and everyday break from his day job. Art by Danny Jock.

This One Will Last a Lifetime

Pete Hausler


Pete Hausler reminices over the last Stanley Cup victory for the New York Rangers, which came in 1994, after he caught a recent television replay of the final game. Part tribute to his father—who, like Pete, is a lifelong Rangers fan, but who languished in Stanley Cup-less futility for 54 years until the fateful night—and part memoir of the weird and fortunate circumstances in which he watched the final series, Hausler brings the victorious times up to speed with the modern day reality of another decade-plus of fan frustration. This year’s hockey season is over, with the Pittsburgh Penguins taking the Cup from the Detroit Red Wings in seven games. The Rangers were bounced out in the opening round, but for the true fan there’s always hope for next year over and over again.

Oh Calvin! A Belmont Postmortem

Pete Hausler


Yeah the Gods were right.  Hubris got the best of Borel in the 2009 Belmont.

OH, CALVIN! I FEAR YE HAVE ANGERED THE RACING GODS: Why Saturday’s Belmont Stakes is More Than a Two-Horse Race

Pete Hausler


[Update: yep, Borel finished 3rd, jumped for the lead early on the long track. Another Bird, Summer Bird Wins, read Pete’s Postmortem here]. The ancient greeks warned against betting this way – swearing on one’s own abilities with excessive pride. It’s a trait known as the big H and has nothing to do with horses (it’s the humans that are teeming with Hubris). If you don’t like Calvin Borel, you likely don’t have a heart, but if you think he may end up the first jockey to have his own "jockey triple crown," (winning the big three on different horses) a prize up till now relegated to the horses themselves, then you’re either just reading the odds right, or tempting fate along with the quite boastful (and favorite) Cajun. Careful with those bets this Saturday, read Pete Hausler’s piece here beforehand (other tips included). Art by Danny Jock